This is hard. Really hard. Insomnia hard. I have penned this down a hundred times in my head but it still comes out wrong.
Remember when I said I was lucky to have four good friends in my life.. Well today those four people became three.
I lost a friend because I was no longer a friend. I am not ok with it. I have not been ok with it for a while now (cue the lack of sleep) but I will be. Eventually.
I do also believe that friendship is a two way street. You have to talk, communicate; and right now we are just ignoring each other. I am not a fan of confrontation. Never have been. Never will be. Especially when I expect to have my head bitten off. Then I would rather just walk away. Less chance of getting hurt; but that also means no resolution; no admission of guilt; no apologies.
I have other people (friends and family) who care about me and she has a lot more people who care about her and I am sure she will be much happier without me in her life. That’s the way it goes.
I guess it’s weird because I don’t actually spend much time with the other three good friends either. But I know I can rely on them and count on them and talk to them when I need to. And the same goes for them with me. Maybe that’s enough.
I think we had some good times. And there were plenty bad times. I guess I should be grateful for the time I had and savor the memories. Maybe it’s the rescue remedy talking right now and I won’t feel this way later. But tomorrow is a new day and I need to sort myself out. Firstly. I have had a tough year so far but I also have issues. I know that.