Boys suck – throw rocks at them

“And another one bites the dust
Oh why can I not conquer love?”

– Elastic Heart by Sia

So it happened with G and now it’s happened with the Medic.

Although I have a feeling this will be a different since there is no Twitter, Whatsapp or phone calls as I was unceremoniously blocked and then unblocked and then blocked again; no reason no rhyme. And I have no idea why cos he won’t talk to me let alone tell me. I still randomly talk to G although he has no time for me either.

It’s always only a couple of months it seems… These things. Whatever you want to call it. That’s all I get. And then nothing. Reminds me of Sweet November – although totally unrelated. I have no idea what happened with the Medic but I have a good idea what happened with G. He dug too deep and found out some stuff he didn’t like and just like that he cut me off. That was last year July. And I guess I am still pretty hung up about it.

I am just sad we don’t spend any time together anymore (I’m talking about G) – even though I knew from the beginning what was on offer. He hardly talks to me at anymore and doesn’t take my calls even when I can see he is online by his WhatsApp status. Too busy I guess and and I have no idea what is going on in his life even though I know stuff is going down. I would really like to see him again. Since he owes me at least a dinner, at least something, because besides the bottles of wine I bought him and the birthday gift I sent him, he got an upgrade on his old website before I then went and custom designed and built a brand new responsive and fully populated one – with free hosting and emails for the last 9 months thrown in for shits and giggles. It’s not that I didnt want to do it (one can hope right) but it feels like I have been taken for granted. Again.

Same goes for the Medic. He doesn’t seem to care about me one iaota. I gave up a lot of time to sit around and wait for him. Because I wanted to not because I had to. I bought him an awesome Christmas present and a birthday present (two) and whole lot of other stuff inbetween – because I wanted to. I didnt get anything in return; I didn’t expect him to, all I wanted was to just spend some time with him. He gave me as little time as he could possibly muster and no explanation to this cut-off. He moved areas. So what. I shouldn’t be some secret he has to keep or throw away in this case?

I just want to get over all this. I’m tired of it. I want out. I want to come back swinging. Fix my broken destroyed barely hanging together heart and get back out there. Move on. Even if it’s just me on my own again. I want to be happy again. Not hurting and feeling so alone and depressed. Cos that just sucks. Ask me I know.

I just want to know how to get over this. Cos it feels like I never will. Either that or it’s going to keep happening. Same situation, same cycle of abuse, different people.

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    • Anon - 2 years ago

      Optimism is the most important human trait, because it allows us to evolve our ideas, to improve our situation, & to hope for a better tomorrow.

    • Megan - 2 years ago

      i’m sorry hun. i have no good assvice to offer here. just ((hugs))

    • Nathaniel - 2 years ago

      As a boy (lol), i must say that women also make us feel the same (my two cents). I guess in your case the guys you mention are just douche bags. Your a wonderful person with an amazing personality and deserve much better. Keep your head up and keep strong.