So after crying, and thinking about and talking it out with my family and thinking about it some more, I approached the stable owner where Amber is stabled. I need to do something about this horse. I needed to make a decision. After telling her what I initially wanted to do, we came to an agreement that she would give me lessons on a Saturday and get Chelsea to ride her during the week for two months. If after that there is no improvement, no change, no bonding, still no confidence in me riding her etc, then we will find a home for her.
So I have been riding her in the lunge ring on running reins a few times since and Chelsea rode her out on the outride. So far so good but she really does need a lot of work and I need a whole lot more patience.